Journals43
Newest
College recluse
1 min read
this is what i believe I've become... but at least I'm spending my alone time with drawing and lots of netflix. Lots of it.
9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother watched in 5 days.
8 seasons of Dexter (which I'm still slightly obsessed with) finished in 2 months.
Noragami
Haikyuu
Once Upon A Time (all caught up)
Started Breaking Bad (midway through season 2)
just began American Horror Story
and Kill La Kill (so many boobs)
halfway through Masters of Sex (interesting historical topic)
Into the Woods was perfect
and I miss Gravity Falls
started Persona Q. Everything is adorable. >//<)"
wheeee
drawing-wise.... I'll post some newer hopefully less crappy things.
adios for now.
9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother watched in 5 days.
8 seasons of Dexter (which I'm still slightly obsessed with) finished in 2 months.
Noragami
Haikyuu
Once Upon A Time (all caught up)
Started Breaking Bad (midway through season 2)
just began American Horror Story
and Kill La Kill (so many boobs)
halfway through Masters of Sex (interesting historical topic)
Into the Woods was perfect
and I miss Gravity Falls
started Persona Q. Everything is adorable. >//<)"
wheeee
drawing-wise.... I'll post some newer hopefully less crappy things.
adios for now.
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this blog is shit. time to start over
1 min read
hey
exactly what the title says is what i plan to do.
kay
disregaurd everything i have previously posted
it's crap
and so is everything i'll probably post in the future.
i cringed at every middle school art and journal post, but am too lazy to go through and delete.
I really haven't changed that much though.
i still suck at spelling, and art (although people like to tell me otherwise), and i spend way too much time on tumblr.
i'm still socially awkwards most of the time but I now have a group of friends that i love dearly and hope they never find this dumb blog
i feel like I've gained more knowlegde about myself in terms of sexuality and religion, but not about career paths or future plans. that's mainly what's causing the possible depression i have. anywho...yeah
welcome to the newer but not so improved blog of Madeline.
( - -)/" hi
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bleh
1 min read
. . .
hi
hi
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An Ah ha moment
4 min read
rant:
so... one of my friends has lent me an awesome DS game called "The World Ends With You". It's soooooo fun and through playing it, i found a character i related to. (It's funny how people do this--relate to characters so they can better understand the story).And the game is about people who have died and either dissolve into oblivion or choose the option to pay an entry fee (their most prized possession) to play in a game that will either result in them winning and getting a second chance at life or losing and dissolving into oblivion. Anywho, this character's name is Shiki. I'm not sure how she died but her entrance fee was her appearance. While she was alive and in the game, she envied her best friend, Eri. She put Eri on a pedestal and belittled herself. Right now in life, I feel like Shiki. My best friend, who I love dearly and wish happiness for her, is viewed by myself as better than me. She has lots of friends because of her charisma and ability to socialize well, she is very pretty and funny (which has attracted quite a few guys, including one's I've had crushes on) , is a great writer, has good grades, is in all the AP classes (math and science) with my other friends, and isn't full of herself; she's modest and honest and out going. I'm not saying she's perfect. She has a few quirks like everyone else but I just feel my qualities don't compare to hers. I feel I'm constantly comparing myself with her even though I kinda know and have been told, "you have great qualities. You can draw (and ___ can't)." But it always goes back to the comparison game. We are opposites in way but we still hang out and have dubbed each other "best friends" because we've known each other since kindergarten. But when I hang out with her, I feel like her shadow. When people see us and come to join us, they say, "Hey, Kiana!" and half the time don't even acknowledge me. I'm kinda invisible for the most part and it seems no one really talks to me unless no one else is around and they just HAVE to socialize with someone. I feel like the second choice. When ever Kiana's not around, people ask me where she is. Like I know. (well... I usually do.) -___-); but that's kinda not the point. I highly doubt anyone asks where I am when I'm not there. they don't even know when i leave. I know I sound extremely narcissistic but it really bothers me. It bothers me that I'm sure that no one would care if I dissappeared randomly one day. They'd only care about the fact that someone was missing but probably dismiss it. or get over quickly. I guess that's a good thing. I feel either like a second choice or a stepping stool to aid others. I introduce my friend to my friends and she gets closer to them than I ever will. I bring her into my activites and she progresses through them faster and better than I do. It's a constant competition and I'm pretty sure it's an unhealthy one. I really care for her though and wouldn't just stop hanging out with her. But when I'm with her, I feel kind of unequal at times. I call her my best friend because she is, but sometimes I question whether or not I'm her best friend. I've learned that we make the lable "best friend" so that we know we have at least one person in this world we can rely on; one person who thinks you are their "first-choice". My chem tutor learned a few days ago that I was close friends with Kiana, whom he happened to also know. He found it surprising that "someone like me would be best friends with her". I wasn't quite sure how to take that comment... *sigh
yeah... fin.
-M
so... one of my friends has lent me an awesome DS game called "The World Ends With You". It's soooooo fun and through playing it, i found a character i related to. (It's funny how people do this--relate to characters so they can better understand the story).And the game is about people who have died and either dissolve into oblivion or choose the option to pay an entry fee (their most prized possession) to play in a game that will either result in them winning and getting a second chance at life or losing and dissolving into oblivion. Anywho, this character's name is Shiki. I'm not sure how she died but her entrance fee was her appearance. While she was alive and in the game, she envied her best friend, Eri. She put Eri on a pedestal and belittled herself. Right now in life, I feel like Shiki. My best friend, who I love dearly and wish happiness for her, is viewed by myself as better than me. She has lots of friends because of her charisma and ability to socialize well, she is very pretty and funny (which has attracted quite a few guys, including one's I've had crushes on) , is a great writer, has good grades, is in all the AP classes (math and science) with my other friends, and isn't full of herself; she's modest and honest and out going. I'm not saying she's perfect. She has a few quirks like everyone else but I just feel my qualities don't compare to hers. I feel I'm constantly comparing myself with her even though I kinda know and have been told, "you have great qualities. You can draw (and ___ can't)." But it always goes back to the comparison game. We are opposites in way but we still hang out and have dubbed each other "best friends" because we've known each other since kindergarten. But when I hang out with her, I feel like her shadow. When people see us and come to join us, they say, "Hey, Kiana!" and half the time don't even acknowledge me. I'm kinda invisible for the most part and it seems no one really talks to me unless no one else is around and they just HAVE to socialize with someone. I feel like the second choice. When ever Kiana's not around, people ask me where she is. Like I know. (well... I usually do.) -___-); but that's kinda not the point. I highly doubt anyone asks where I am when I'm not there. they don't even know when i leave. I know I sound extremely narcissistic but it really bothers me. It bothers me that I'm sure that no one would care if I dissappeared randomly one day. They'd only care about the fact that someone was missing but probably dismiss it. or get over quickly. I guess that's a good thing. I feel either like a second choice or a stepping stool to aid others. I introduce my friend to my friends and she gets closer to them than I ever will. I bring her into my activites and she progresses through them faster and better than I do. It's a constant competition and I'm pretty sure it's an unhealthy one. I really care for her though and wouldn't just stop hanging out with her. But when I'm with her, I feel kind of unequal at times. I call her my best friend because she is, but sometimes I question whether or not I'm her best friend. I've learned that we make the lable "best friend" so that we know we have at least one person in this world we can rely on; one person who thinks you are their "first-choice". My chem tutor learned a few days ago that I was close friends with Kiana, whom he happened to also know. He found it surprising that "someone like me would be best friends with her". I wasn't quite sure how to take that comment... *sigh
yeah... fin.
-M
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detour
1 min read
bleh
name: boring
age: boring
occupation: boring
sate of mind: numb, dull, sad, a bit lonely, crushed.
name: boring
age: boring
occupation: boring
sate of mind: numb, dull, sad, a bit lonely, crushed.
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